Keaton/Shinghal 2012 announces cabinet

Keaton has been quite the busy bee so she’s asked me to announce our cabinet. Obviously we realize that this step is usually taken after winning not only a party nomination but the White House but we feel that you can never be too prepared. While we’d really like to get rid of many of these agencies we understand the necessity of weaning the baby from the teat. With that idea in mind we initially plan to combine a few of the departments as follows:

HHS & Veterans Affairs- Ruth Bennett
Budget – Carol McMahon
Justice & EPA– Amanda Philips
State & FDA — Dr. Mary Ruwart
Defense– Karen Kwiatkowski
Agriculture & Energy — Susan Hogarth
Secretary for Information Technology – Carolyn Marbry

You may be blanching now at some of the combos but there is a method to the perceived madness. With regard to the ag and energy departments, we believe that any person who’s learned to live off the grid will be able to adequately address resources issues whether they be food or energy. Hogarth certainly wouldn’t insult the public by wastefully expending more gross energy than netted converting food into energy. The EPA could legitimately function under the Justice umbrella. In the instances of environmental torts it makes sense for the nation’s highest attorney to protect the individual people of the country. Ms. Philips is a new attorney but she won’t be bogged down by silly little drug and commerce claims.

It should be obvious why HHS and Veterans Affairs are paired together but Keaton/Shinghal 2012 believes that HHS has no constitutional authority and we’ll rename the office the Department of Veterans’ Health Services. The new office will have nothing to do with most of the 300 services they now pretend to offer and will instead focus on the health and well-being of those men and women who serve our military branches through active and non-active duty.

The FDA is on the short list of agencies to 86 but we feel that Dr. Ruwart’s expertise in that area will aide in the transition from a crappy governmental regulatory agency to stellar private regulatory service. Once she has that albatross off the country’s neck, she will move into the State Department as Secretary where she will speak softly and carry a big stick.

That stick will be Karen Kwiatkowski, head of the DoD. Lieutenant Colonel Kwiatkowski (retired) has worked with NSA, NESA, was in the Pentagon when it was attacked on September 11, 2001 and retired from the Air Force in 2003. She is a finely educated individual, brilliant thinker and a regular contributor to LewRockwell.com.

We plan to make no more the departments of Commerce, Labor, Transportation, Education and Housing & Urban Development. Every single one of those offices can be directed more efficiently on a private or local government level. As far as the Department of Drug Control Policy goes, we’re just gonna get rid of that altogether. What people decide to put into their bodies is not the government’s business and busybodies should take a listen to the late, great Billie Holiday because t’ain’t their business either.

~ by Miche on November 24, 2008.