Parody of “Pardon Paris” letter to Schwarzenegger

We all know about Paris Hilton’s legal woes. To recap, the 26 year old actress was recently ordered to jail for a probation violation stemming from a drunk driving conviction. Celebrity Star Power blog has requested that Governor Schwarzenegger pardon Paris saying:

“Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time. This letter, with all due respect to you, sir, is to ask you to please consider granting a pardon to Paris Hilton for her mistake, or at the very least to advocate for a pardon to be given to Ms. Hilton.

As if the original request wasn’t funny enough, Pug Bus has created a parody.

“Your presidency,” Ms. Hilton continued, “people with our talents and abilities serve the country best by continuing to provide entertainment for people. What good would it do to lock me up for forty-five days when I could spend that time providing entertainment and employment opportunities to less fortunate people who have to work for a living?”

Ms. Hilton further argued that requiring her to report to jail with only a month’s notice amounted to “rude and unusual” punishment.

“Although our paths have never met,” said Ms. Hilton, “you don’t look like the kind of guy who would snatch people up and send them to prison without hardly any notice. I have club appearances, shopping trips, and doctors appointments scheduled months in advance. Canceling them at this late date would be a heartship to the DJs, merchants, and all the other unfortunate working people who depend on me for a livinghood.”

Ms. Hilton closed by suggesting that instead of going to jail she “could do ‘immunity’ service, like making a hot video warning kids about the dangers of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases).” She also offered to send Mr. Bush a Simple Life T-shirt and a copy of her One Night in Paris video. Finally, she invited him to appear on Simple Life anytime he wanted to.

The faux news article went on to “quote” Pat Buchanan:

“Pardoning that bimbo, no matter how unpopular it might be, would provide a welcome distraction for the president,” wrote Mr. Buchanan in an editorial that appeared on The American Conservative magazine website. “Sure, it might bring down a firestorm of criticism; but as long as people were debating the wisdom of this move, reports of continuing deaths in Iraq would be muscled off the front page.”

Let’s hope the White House doesn’t get wind of this joke and actually get involved. The last thing we need is more bullshit news to distract the masses.

~ by Miche on May 8, 2007.